Becoming a parent is a huge life change at the best of times, but when paired with mental health difficulties it can be an even bigger challenge. While a large number of high-profile women – from Adele and Chrissy Teigen to Gwyneth Paltrow – have spoken openly about their struggles with postnatal depression, many new mothers also experience other mental health conditions in the aftermath of giving birth.
According to new research, a very sizeable chunk of mothers in the UK are suffering in this way. BBC Radio 5 live and YouGov surveyed 1,800 British parents and found that more than a third of mothers had dealt with mental health issues related to motherhood, the BBC reported, compared with just 17% of fathers.
Of the women who had experienced difficulties, with conditions such as acute stress, severe anxiety and postnatal depression, more than two thirds sought professional help, although it's unclear what proportion had actually received treatment. (According to a 2014 mental health survey, only one in eight adults – 12.1% – receive mental health treatment.)
Speaking as part of BBC Radio 5 live's #mumtakeover, Game of Thrones actor and mother of two Lena Heady, who has spoken publicly before about her battle with postnatal depression, described motherhood as more challenging than anything else she'd experienced and nothing like what she'd expected.
“I would say you’re doing a brilliant job," Heady reassured listeners. "I would say trust yourself and ask for help. Don’t be ashamed to say you yell or you feel down, or it’s getting overwhelming. It is the hardest, hardest job in the world. It is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced."
Reassuringly, more than half (60%) of women said they had turned to their friends for emotional support, while 56% had sought it from their partner and 18% went online, presumably on forums such as Mumsnet and Netmums. However, a worrying 15% of mothers and a larger proportion of fathers – 25% – didn't receive any emotional support as parents.
The mothers surveyed by the BBC also reported feeling criticised by others, with a quarter (26%) feeling their own parents were critical of their parenting, followed by their spouse/partner (24%), other family members (18%) and strangers (14%).
A large proportion of mothers (30%) also claimed to have felt discriminated against at work because they were a parent – more than double the proportion of fathers questioned (14%) – which supports an assertion from Citizens Advice last year that mothers were "losing out" at work and being treated unfairly by employers.
Unless it was a solid (and preferably, pre-taxed) £1 million, no amount of money would be enough to convince me to test an opened tube of sample mascara from a makeup counter. Hearing the news that a woman is suing Sephora after contracting herpes from a lipstick in the store has only strengthened my resolve to avoid makeup samples as if my life depended on it.
It's not that I'm a complete germaphobe, but I do have super sensitive skin that freaks out any time I even consider letting my roommate borrow an eyeshadow palette — so mindlessly swiping on communal lipstick used by 138 other people before me is not my idea of a fun time. The thing is, you shouldn't have to avoid makeup testers like the plague from some apocalyptic zombie nightmare. Samples are important in making sure a product works with your skin tone and type, which is why employees at stores like Sephora, Ulta, and MAC are trained on hygienic practices to keep them clean.
Still, that doesn't stop a few bad apples from not following the rules, and that's where this guide comes in. Ahead, the no-B.S. rules to putting this shit on your face — because you know you want to anyway — so you can get a smoky eye, and not a stye.
Leave Double-Dipping For The Salsa
Wands are for fairy godmothers, not makeup testers — which is precisely why you should avoid testing mascara, lip gloss, liquid concealers, or anything else that comes with a stick applicator. "Each time you pull the wand out and dip it back in to lube up the brush head, you're pushing air into the bottle's base, feeding the aerobic bacteria that can survive in an oxygenated area," says dermatologist Dendy Engelman, MD. "Mascara is the biggest cause of an eye infection; liquid eyeliner is a close second."
Instead, make like an Instagram influencer and swatch those formulas on the inside of your wrist to avoid cross-contamination. Or better yet: Ask for a sample. Like clothing stores, sometimes beauty retailers keep secondary testers hidden in drawers, so just ask a sales associate to open a new tester for you. ("This one is empty" is a pretty clutch pick-up line when it comes to makeup.)
Illustration by Louisa Cannell
Go Bottoms Up
In an ideal world, every lipstick you love online would look perfect on your skin tone and in every lighting. But the truth is, you're probably going to have to swipe on a few different shades of red before you find the right one — and when you do, don't do it straight from the tube. Scrape (or tissue) off the top and apply it to your wrist with a clean brush. Or use this genius hack from our beauty director: Twist the bullet all the way to the very top, and use a Q-Tip to swab from the very bottom of the bullet.
If you feel like you absolutely must try it on your lips, Engelman suggests you keep some alcohol-based wipes (she likes Dickinson’s Witch Hazel Towelettes) in your bag to sanitise it first.
illustrated by Mallory Heyer.
Keep Your Hands Out Of The Pot
When you're shopping for makeup, always follow this cardinal rule: Don't plunge your hand into cream formulas. The moist environment makes the pot a breeding ground for bacteria — especially if it's been exposed to a room full of sticky fingers. Instead, reach for squeezable tubes (which you can easily find in lip balms, primers, BB creams, and more), or use a powder that you can apply with a clean applicator.
Illustration by Louisa Cannell
Have A One-Use Stand
This one is painfully obvious, but it bears repeating. You know those disposable wands, Q-tips, cotton swabs, and doe-foot applicators hanging out near every makeup mirror at every beauty retailer? Those are there for your own good, just waiting to save you from an unfortunate case of conjunctivitis. That is all.
Illustration by Louisa Cannell
When In Doubt, Pump It Out
Not only is it a helluva lot easier to dispense out your liquids, it's also way more hygienic. Since you're not actually touching the product directly, you're 99.9% less likely to contaminate it in the process. But if the foundation or skin-care product you really want only comes in a jar, ask a sales associate for a sample. Employees from some stores, like Sephora, are allowed to give customers up to three each.
Illustration by Louisa Cannell
When All Else Fails, Fake It
With all the digital integrations sweeping makeup counters these days, the extreme germaphobe can take advantage of some stores' facial recognition scanners that let you virtually try on different products. At Sephora, they call this feature the "Tap and Try" station — a place where you can test out any lip or lash item at the store in real time. Starting today at all MAC stores, you can use its brand-new Augmented Reality try-on mirrors to see what 29 different eye looks would look like on you. And at Ulta Beauty, you can use the iMatch Digital Shade Finder in store to find the right Estée Lauder foundation.
For the especially lazy folks (raises hand), you can also download a mobile app — Makeup Genius is a good one — and try some on from your couch before heading into the store.
Illustration by Louisa Cannell
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How far would you go to show your dedication to your favourite entertainer? Get up before 9am to order gig tickets? Queue up for hours at a signing? Spend a bomb on the latest limited edition merch?
Well, one woman narrowly avoided a brush with security at the Louvre trying to execute the ultimate show of Lorde fandom. Photographer and superfan Nina Richard hung the artist's album Melodrama in the Paris art museum to pay homage to her banger of a song, "The Louvre".
“A masterpiece surrounded by others,” tweeted Richard in a post that has garnered nearly 10k likes and more than 3k retweets at the time of writing. “l took it on a journey through time and space, from Antiquity, passing by Renaissance, to Modern Times.”
But she had to act swiftly to avoid an altercation with staff in the building. "I had to do it very quickly cause security started to watch me and hunt down on me lol," she added.
The now iconic album art for Melodrama was created by Brooklyn-based artist Sam McKinniss who, in an interview with Vogue, said he had wanted to capture the feeling of waiting for a future that seems to be taking too long to arrive, and “the colourful restless of youth and how being young can feel like you have a superpower.”
"The Louvre", which Lorde worked on with Jack Antonoff, Aussie producer Flume and American producer Malay, is about a happy relationship and touches on themes of obsession and sacrifice, at least according to the song lyric-analysis website Genius. Perhaps the best-known lyric from the song is the one in which she namechecks the museum.
"Our thing progresses I call and you come through Blow all my friendships To sit in hell with you But we’re the greatest They’ll hang us in the Louvre Down the back, but who cares—still the Louvre"
The government may have thrown young wannabe homeowners a tiny bone in last week's budget by scrapping stamp duty for first-time buyers, but the reality is: owning a home remains a pipe dream for most young people (unless they're willing to make some big sacrifices, such as opting to live in a shed). And unfortunately the findings of new research will do nothing to reassure them.
According to SpareRoom.co.uk, it would take someone wanting to buy a London home a mind-boggling 68 years to save for a deposit, compared with 25 years outside of London. To calculate the depressing figures, the flatshare website took into account the average UK salary, at £27,600 (£34,473 in London); the average cost of a deposit, at £33,000 (£106,577 in London); and the fact that people save an average of 5.9% of their incomes each month.
Not only will young people be saving for a huge proportion of their lives, most of them also won't get any help. SpareRoom surveyed more than 5,000 British renters and it turns out the bank of mum and dad isn't an option for the vast majority of 20-somethings. 87% said they intend to save a deposit from their own salary, while just over a third (37%) anticipated parental help.
The vast majority of those currently flatsharing in their 20s – both in London (93%) and the rest of the UK (87%) – said they may have to leave the capital or their home town/city in order to buy, which hammers home the extent of the country's housing crisis and the squeeze on young people's wages.
While buying in their twenties is nigh on impossible for most, a few do manage it, but the survey suggests that the reality isn't actually a lifetime of security and happiness for everyone who takes the plunge. A fifth of those who had bought a home in their 20s regretted their decision, with nearly half (44%) saying they believed they'd bought too early and a fifth (22%) saying it gave them less freedom to move around.
So, if you're among the vast majority who will perhaps never own their own home, you can at least be heartened by the fact that you're not being held hostage by crippling mortgage payments. Swings and roundabouts, eh?
In the search for stock images of women, you'll find a lot of bad, depressing, stereotypical images of women that reassert tired tropes. But this year, things changed. The top-selling photo in the Getty Image library is one of a woman fully clothed, walking along a jagged cliff alone. It's a far cry from where we were 10 years ago: half naked and lying on a massage table.
The change is at least in part due to Getty's 2014 collaboration with Sheryl Sandberg’s nonprofit, Lean In. The collaboration started with the goal of seeding more modern images of women in the media. Now, the internet is just finally seeing the fruits of their labor. The Lean In Collection now has 14,000 photos that redefine what women (and men) look like. Over the past year, searches on GettyImages.com for the woman hero increased 105%. Searches for “strong woman” increased 37%. Beyond searches for images of women, Getty found that searches for the word “unfiltered” increased 219%. Searches for the word “authenticity” increased 104% and the search terms “real life” increased 99%.
Because we take so many photos of ourselves and our lives and put them online anyway, we are rendering ourselves and our realities visible in real time. Hopefully, brands and publishers have no other choice but to follow the trend by depicting the realities of real women. As Pam Grossman, Director, Visual Trends at Getty Images, told the New York Times, “For the first time in history, people can represent themselves, and therefore they demand brands to render them visible, too.”
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While everyone raged against Hollywood for the lack of representation and diversity in recognising cinematic accomplishments in film and television, one institution was getting away with the same thing: The Grammys, which released its 2018 nominee list this morning. Perhaps people are more likely to notice the problem with race in awards shows for acting because they're so front-loaded at the beginning of the year, but the Grammys have also had a pretty consistent problem with diversity. Let’s just say the Oscars isn't the only award show that is so white. And luckily for the Recording Academy, they didn’t wait for the general public to make such a huge fuss about it before they did something about it. The nominees in their four general categories — the highest honors and the only categories that aren't genre specific — for 2018 are mainly people of color, and they suggest a turning tide for the Recording Academy.
Even though she won her first and only Grammy for Best R&B Performance earlier this year for her song “Cranes in the Sky,” Solange still couldn’t hide the truth about the Recording Academy after her big sister Beyoncé was snubbed for Album of the Year and recognition in the other four general categories for Lemonade. In a series of deleted tweets, she pointed out that in the last 20 years, only two Black artists took home Album of the Year despite the show featuring over 200 Black performers. Frank Ocean refused to submit his album Blonde or the visual accompaniment Endless for consideration for the 2017 Awards for similar awards. He did not attend the ceremony, and Kanye West followed this lead. This year, Drake is pulling the same move.
It very well could be that the pressure applied by these big names worked. This year, for the first time since 1999, not a single white man was nominated for Album of the Year. And with the exception of Lorde, whose sophomore project Melodrama received a nod, all of the nominees in that category are people of colour. Jay-Z’s 4:44, 24k Magic by Bruno Mars, Kendrick Lamar’s amazing third project DAMN., and Awaken, My Love! by Childish Gambino are the contenders for the night’s top honour. These men, plus Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee for “Despacito” are also in the Record of the Year category. Julia Michaels and Logic are the only white people in the running for Song of the Year, competing with “Despacito,” “24k Magic,” and “The Story of OJ.” Best New Artist is a particularly impressive for diversity, including obvious choices like SZA and Khalid, but the nod to Lil Uzi Vert suggests that Grammys might finally have an ear to the streets.
Even the contenders in the Rap and R&B categories, where the Grammys have typically relegated Black artists, reflect this. Cardi B.’s “Bodak Yellow” received not one, but two nominations for Best Rap Performance and Best Rap Song. She is nominated alongside Jay-Z and Kendrick Lamar, which is no small feat. Also nominated: her fiancé Offset. Culture, the album from his group Migos is nominated for Best Rap Album.
I, too, was ready to boycott the Grammys this year. But with Kendrick and Jay leading nominations, Cardi and Offset both in attendance, and a likely appearance from Beyonce if Jay shows up, I’m reclaiming my seat. And like Issa Rae, I will be “rooting for everybody Black.”
There's a scene in Sex and the City where, after Carrie breaks up with Big for the first time, a photo of her appears in the newspaper. In the photo, she's wearing a new dress and she's on a date with a famous baseball player. The women all talk about how it's a coup for Carrie. "Big is going to see this and die," Samantha says.
The idea that, post-breakup, each party tries to get one over on the other is a sentiment many people who've ever ended a relationship are familiar with. To "win" the breakup is to prove that you've moved on faster, thus cementing your status as the person who cares less.
But guess what? Playing the comparison game isn't the way to "win" your breakup. In fact, it's the opposite. "You win a breakup if you exit the situation with mutual respect," says Megan Stubbs, a certified sexologist. "If you're able to exit on good terms, without throwing hurtful phrases at one another, that's the best situation."
According to Stubbs, counting your wins against your former partner's perceived losses is an unconscious way of hanging on to the relationship. "You're stuck in this loop where the relationship is still on your mind," she says. "But that's unhealthy."
The way you break up has a lot to do with avoiding that loop. "If a relationship seems to be running into trouble, you want to get together with your partner and see if there's anything that can be done to save it," says Rachel Sussman, LCSW, a New York-based relationship therapist. "If you can't, then you both can agree it's time for the relationship to end."
Sussman also says it might not be a bad idea to figure out with your partner what you'll say to the people around you. "A lot of the feelings of failure have to do with how the outside world views your relationship," she says. "People will ask, 'Who broke up with whom?' So a well-crafted breakup mission statement can actually be a good thing." It might seem silly, but it's a good way to ensure you're both on the same page.
It's also important to reframe the ending of your relationship in your own mind — not in the minds of others. "I hate it when clients say 'I got dumped,'" Sussman says. "You're not dumped. You're not garbage. Your partner may have decided to end the relationship before you were ready." She says it's important to take the knowledge of why they wanted out — or why you didn't — and work through that yourself. "Ask yourself why you weren't ready for the breakup," she says. "That can inform why you're feeling the way you are, as well as help you move on in a constructive way."
And remember that just because something ends doesn't mean it was necessarily bad. "A breakup doesn't mean what proceeded it was garbage," Stubbs says. "I loved the show Nip/Tuck, and it ended, but I don't go around dissing the show." In other words, don't let the ending cloud the rest of the relationship. You win by being happy with yourself — before, during, and after a breakup. Most people's rebound dates won't make the news, anyway, so there's another flaw in the SATC strategy.
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One year and 11 days ago, I wrote a letter to Johnny Depp informing him of our break-up. I had just seen the first instalment of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, and had been jolted out of a magical evening when Colin Farrell suddenly morphed into a Johnny Depp with frosted tips, revealing the man who would portray Gellert Grindelwald for the rest of the franchise.
People obviously shared my distaste at being confronted with a man accused of domestic abuse in what is supposed to be a safe and cherished universe. But despite a vigorous social media campaign to have him replaced, Warner Bros. reiterated its support for Depp when they re-confirmed his presence in the sequel last month. Character stills from the upcoming film, called Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, show Depp resting casually to the side, rocking the same horrible frosted tips.
Today, veteran Harry Potter director David Yates, who directed the first Fantastic Beasts and will also helm the sequel, defended casting the actor.
“Honestly, there’s an issue at the moment where there’s a lot of people being accused of things, they’re being accused by multiple victims, and it’s compelling and frightening,” he told Entertainment Weekly. “With Johnny, it seems to me there was one person who took a pop at him and claimed something. I can only tell you about the man I see every day: He’s full of decency and kindness, and that’s all I see. Whatever accusation was out there doesn’t tally with the kind of human being I’ve been working with.”
Let's unpack that statement. Basically, Yates is saying that unlike in the case of Harvey Weinstein, or the many other men accused of sexual assault or harassment in recent weeks, Depp has only been accused by one person: his ex-wife, Amber Heard. (Depp denied the allegations.)
Yates, it's worth noting, appears to be conflating a reckoning that's taking place in society around sexual misconduct with an allegation of domestic abuse. And, while it's true that other women in Depp's life have come forward to speak of their own positive experiences with him, Heard's allegations aren't uncorroborated. In an essay for Refinery29, writer and friend iO Tillett Wright confirmed Heard's version of events, having witnessed it and called the police. A Los Angeles judge granted Heard a temporary restraining order, and several court documents appear to prove the validity of her story.
Still, Yates knows the man, and can like him on a personal level. That's his business. But by going ahead with his casting, and defending him in public, he's making a choice. He's choosing to ignore substantial allegations against an actor who will be holding a major role in a major movie franchise. He's choosing to send a message to the men and women who love this franchise and what it stands for that their opinions don't matter. Grindelwald only makes a minor physical appearance in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. It would have been easy to replace him. These are the people who were able to re-cast DUMBLEDORE after Richard Harris died post- Chamber of Secrets. Are you telling me they wouldn't be unable to find a suitable replacement and pass it off as some magical potion gone awry?
Crimes of Grindelwald, however, literally bears his name. Not even Jude Law's Dumbledore can obliviate that way.
Unless they're deliberately raging against the patriarchy, it's pretty common for Christian churches and people raised with Christian ideologies to refer to God as "He." But one church in Sweden is ready to break that tradition.
The Church of Sweden made the decision Thursday to stop calling God by masculine terms like "He" or "Lord," and start just saying "God" instead. The decision was made after an eight-day meeting of the church’s 251-member decision-making body and officially goes into effect on May 20, the Christian holiday of Pentecost, the Guardian reports.
The church is headed by a woman, Archbishop Antje Jackelén, who told Sweden’s TT news agency that the church raised this question because "theologically we know that God is beyond our gender determinations, God is not human," according to the Guardian.
Of course, not everyone was thrilled by the news. One critic said that this move undermines the teachings of other churches and the "doctrine of the trinity," according to the Guardian. The trinity he's referring to is the idea of God as the father, the son, and the holy ghost, and it seems that he's arguing that God being both the son and the father implies masculinity.
Overall, it's clear that there isn't a consensus on God's gender, which we would argue is actually an even stronger argument for The Church of Sweden's decision to avoid using gender at all. After all, it's important that we don't decide anyone's gender for them — not even God's.
Trying to get pregnant? Trying to avoid pregnancy? Just trying to predict your next period? Whatever your plans for the future are at this very moment, you probably have questions. Luckily, the great, wide world of mobile apps has answers for you.
No app can replace your doctor, but keeping track of your fertility cues on your phone can certainly help keep you on top of your family planning between appointments. Not only do fertility trackers motivate you to log your body's rhythms and changes throughout the month, but they can help you see larger patterns in your cycle, too — and that's info that your doctor will love to have on hand the next time you're in for a checkup.
(And it doesn't hurt that most apps on the market help you plan ahead, with reminders that alert you to everything from medication refills to upcoming ovulation periods.)
Ahead, find the right fertility tracker for your needs. And, if the time comes, check out our guide to the best pregnancy apps, too.
Whether you're tracking your period, preventing pregnancy, or trying to conceive, this app is worth the download. It allows you to review symptoms and cycles from previous months, so that you can pick up on your body's patterns and compare them to what's to be expected (the info-packed reference section will answer all your questions).
This app helps you track ovulation symptoms big and small, from cervical mucus to headaches, and allows you to enter personalised notes specific to your body. Its easy-to-use interface allows you to see your menstruation and ovulation cycles in the same display, so you have the whole picture for your month ahead.
Log your symptoms, temperature, blood pressure, moods, and general health info for clear-cut calculations of your next fertile window. Plus, this apps allows for data sharing and syncing between you and your partner, so you're always on the same page as you try to conceive.
Using a unique family planning and birth control method known as Dynamic Optimal Timing, Dot helps users anticipate their risk of pregnancy on a day-to-day basis. Simply input your period's start date, and the app does the rest. It's designed to work with cycles from 20 to 40 days, and accounts for variations in cycle length.
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The Afghan all-girls robotics team is racking up the victories this year.
When attempting to travel to the US for the FIRST Global Challenge robotics competition this past summer, the team was denied entry twice for unknown reasons. But at the last minute, they were able to enter the country with intervention from the government and finished with a silver medal for courage at the competition in Washington, D.C.
Last weekend, the six teenage girls scored another major win, earning the Entrepreneur Award at the Robotex festival in Tallinn, Estonia, the biggest robotics festival in Europe.
The Afghan Embassy in London tweeted congratulations to the girls, who are from Herat, the third-largest city in Afghanistan.
In July, we spoke with New Hampshire Sen. Jeanne Shaheen, who worked behind the scenes to help persuade the State Department to let the team enter the country before President Trump intervened. She's a champion of STEM education efforts and girls' education around the world.
"It was very inspirational to meet them," she told Refinery29. "I was particularly interested because we tried to help in our office to work with the State Department on getting them visas. I sit in both the Armed Services Committee and the Foreign Relations Committee. And so I have followed very closely, as have so many in America, the end of the Taliban rule and Afghanistan opening up its society, getting girls in school.
"To think they overcame all these obstacles, they finished with a silver medal for courage for what they did. They all had their medals on and they showed them very proudly. That's a wonderful example for people around the world of what can be accomplished with commitment and support when you have the determination to do it."
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Elio (Timothée Chalemet) and Oliver (Armie Hammer) never exchange the phrase “I love you” in the film Call Me By Your Name. Yet the breathtaking film, which focuses on the profoundly intense connection that develops between Elio and Oliver over the course of one summer in Italy, certainly tells a love story — one that's almost universal in its depiction of pure emotion. Watching 17-year-old Elio tumble into these heady feelings for the first time, you’ll inevitably recall your own experiences of teenage love.
Call Me By Your Name is remarkable because it’s a queer love story with no adversary, aside from time and circumstance. Oliver and Elio are never persecuted for their sexual orientation. If you see Elio and Oliver slinking around the Italian villa, it’s out of a sense of mischievousness, not fear. If you see them looking torn up, it’s from a sense of heartsickness, not shame.
Even though CMBYN is arguably different than movies that have come before it, this is hardly the first time a love story featuring LGBTQ+ characters made us cry our eyes out. Here are some of the most wrenching, beautiful queer love stories in film.
Soon after inheriting his uncle's laundromat, Omar (Gordon Warnecke) reconnects with his old friend, Johnny (Daniel Day-Lewis), in an unexpected way — Johnny and his punk friends attack Omar and his Pakistani friends. Still, Omar offers Johnny a way out by inviting him to renovate the laundromat with him, and get out of his tough friend group. An "us against the world" relationship develops between Omar and Johnny, and features one of the best neck licks in film history (you'll have to watch to see it).
Desert Hearts(1986)
If anything's going to compel you to explore life on an American ranch, it won't be Godless — it'll be Desert Hearts, a film about love, self-discovery, and Nevada. In the film, New York English professor Vivian Bell (Helen Shaver) moves to Reno to establish residency, and expedite her divorce proceedings, and ends up having an affair with a young free-spirit, Cay Rivvers (Patricia Charbonneau).
Maurice(1987)
James Ivory, Call Me By Your Name 's screenwriter, also wrote this iconic queer romance set in Edwardian England. While at Cambridge, Maurice Hall (James Wilby) and his friend Clive Durham (Hugh Grant) acknowledge, but do not act upon, their feelings for each other. When Clive chooses to settle down with a woman, Maurice is devastated. Still, he visits Clive's country estate, and begins an affair with the under-gamekeeper (Rupert Graves).
Fire(1996)
Sisters-in-law Sita (Nandita Das) and Radha (Shabana Azmi) are both trapped in unhappy arranged marriages. Both of their husbands are challenging in their own way – Sita's husband is cold and unfaithful; Radha's doesn't believe in pleasure. Sita and Radha, who live in the same apartment, escape their loneliness by forging a deep relationship with each other. Fire was one of the first Bollywood movies to explore LGBTQ+ issues.
Bound(1996)
Lilly and Lana Wachowski are now known for The Matrix and Sense8, but their first-ever film was a noir-ish heist about a lesbian couple trying to take down a mob leader, called Bound. After meeting in an elevator, ex-con Corky (Gina Gershon) helps her new lover Violet (Jennifer Tilly) get out of her relationship with a mob leader, and run away with his fortune while they're at it.
But I'm a Cheerleader!(1999)
But I'm a Cheerleader! is primarily a satire – but its love story is as entertaining as its premise. Natasha Lyonne of Orange is the New Black plays a cheerleader sent away to a conversion therapy camp after her parents suspect she's a lesbian. Then, while she's there, she has her identity confirmed by, surprise surprise, a romance with a fellow camper.
Yossi & Jagger(2002)
Somewhere in the remote, inhospitable border between Israel and Lebanon, a unit leader named Jagger (Yehuda Levi) and his commanding officer Yossi (Ohad Knoller) find that they can't suppress their feelings for each other — despite warnings of an imminent attack at the base. In 2012, the sequel Yossi looked how Yossi's life unfolded after the events seen in Yossi & Jagger.
Brokeback Mountain(2005)
Of course this iconic love story makes the round-up. In Brokeback Mountain — or, as it's called in the podcast S-Town, the "Grief Manual" — two cowboys (Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger) fall in love during a herding mission in a remote region of Montana. The feelings don't fade even as they have to return to their marriages and 1960s America's constraints.
Weekend(2011)
On his way home from a party, Russell (Tom Cullen) stops into a gay bar. He meets Glen (Chris New) and thinks it's going to be a one-night stand. But one night turns into a weekend, which turns into the two men becoming emotionally close. Something could be growing between them — if it weren't for the fact that Glen's imminent departure from the U.K. is hanging over their heads. Weekend will appeal to anyone plagued by lingering "what ifs" regarding their past hookups and love affairs.
Free Fall(2013)
Free falling: It's both a Tom Petty song, and the experience of hurtling towards doom. In this German drama, police officer Marc Borgmann (Hanno Koffler) experiences the sensation of losing control over his tightly guarded life — free falling — when, during a work retreat, he has a love affair with another officer, Kay Engel (Max Riemelt). Marc returns home to his pregnant girlfriend and is torn between responsibility and his new love affair.
The Way He Looks(2014)
The Way He Looks is the coming-of-age love story you never knew you needed. It's about the sweet, hesitant relationships that develops between a blind boy, Leonardo (Ghilherme Lobo), and his high school's new student, Gabriel (Fabio Audi).
Blue is the Warmest Colour(2017)
This French film made headlines for featuring elongated, graphic sex scenes between its protagonists, Adele (Adèle Exarchopoulos) and Emma (Lea Seydoux). But Blue is the Warmest Colour is more than a showcase for sex scenes. The three hour-long epic movie features a compelling and highly relatable story of first love, and first loss.
Carol(2015)
Working as a salesperson at a swanky Manhattan department store, Therese (Rooney Mara) has dealt with many, many wealthy women — but none quite like Carol (Cate Blanchett), who slips Therese her number and address on a piece of paper the first time they meet. With a backdrop of the fashion and style of 1950s America, Carol and Therese begin an affair, and attempt to carve out a place for themselves despite Carol's marriage.
Moonlight(2016)
In Moonlight, we see three stages in Chiron's formation as a young Black gay man growing up in Miami. The film also tracks how his relationship with his friend (and lover) Kevin (Andre Holland) evolves, but never quite ends. The 2017 Oscars race came down to two love stories, but Moonlight came out superior, and won Best Picture.
Call Me By Your Name(2017)
There's a reason why everyone is talking incessantly about Call Me By Your Name. It's a transportive, moving story about the kind of pure and profound relationship we spend our lives hoping we experience at some point. You will be hoping Elio (Timothée Chalemet) and Oliver's (Armie Hammer) summer in Northern Italy lasts forever, for their sake.
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Update: Two weeks after Australian citizens voted to legalise same-sex marriage, there's been another major step forward in the process.
The marriage equality bill passed in Senate 43-12, as reported by BuzzFeed News. According to The Guardian, there have been over 20 failed attempts to pass this legislation in either house of parliament, so this is a huge deal.
The bill now heads to the House of Representatives and The Guardian reports that it's expected to pass by next week.
In response to the postal survey two weeks ago, Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull vowed to make same-sex marriage the law of the land before Christmas. It looks like he'll be able to make good on his promise several weeks before the holiday.
Original story was published on November 14, 2017.
Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull immediately spoke out to confirm that he'll work to ensure the survey's results will bring about legal change before the end of the year.
"[Australians] have spoken in their millions and they have voted overwhelmingly yes for marriage equality," Turnbull said. "They voted yes for fairness, yes for commitment, yes for love. And now it is up to us here in the parliament of Australia to get on with it."
The people of Australia have spoken and I intend to make their wish the law of the land by Christmas. This is an overwhelming call for marriage equality. pic.twitter.com/PWZbH5H71r
Every state and territory in Australia voted in favour of same-sex marriage, but the strongest shows of support came from the Australian Capital Territory, SBS Australia reports.
"I feel for young people who had their relationships questioned in a way I wouldn't have thought we would see ever again, but nevertheless what this marriage equality survey shows is that unconditional love always has the last word," Opposition Labor Party leader Bill Shorten said during a rally in Melbourne, as reported by CNN.
Meanwhile, Australians and allies across the globe are celebrating the results of the vote — and the impending legalisation of same-sex marriage.
Australia has finally allowed #MarriageEquality !! I am so proud of my home for finally realizing that #LoveIsLove ❤
Welcome to Money Diaries, where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking a cross-section of women how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period – and we're tracking every last penny.
This week we're with a PhD student in Newcastle-upon-Tyne. She has an expired stipend on unpaid maternity leave, which means her partner currently supports both of them, and their 6-month-old baby, on his PhD stipend of £13,000 a year. Because she is in the unfunded writing-up period of her PhD, she is not entitled to statutory maternity pay as PhD students don’t pay tax or receive payslips. She is not entitled to Jobseeker's Allowance as she is on maternity leave, nor income support as she lives with her boyfriend. She does, however, get £82.80 a month in child benefits.
She has some money saved up from a few jobs she did before the baby arrived, and some inheritance from her grandma. The family live in her nan's old house in the suburbs of Newcastle, about three miles from the city, which her mum is renting out to them at a cut price. The couple left London when her partner started his PhD as they could no longer afford to rent there and having few friends outside of London did seriously decrease the amount they spent on going out. They also stopped smoking when she fell pregnant.
They feed their dog a raw meat diet, having tried for over a year to find a dog food that didn’t make him very sick. They don’t think he should have to suffer on low quality food because they don’t have enough money, so when they lost her income the couple cut back on other aspects of their lives. Sometimes, if they really need or want something, they will put it on their credit card because they know that one day, they'll be earning enough again to pay it off.
At the beginning of each month, they fill up the fridge and freezer, which is about £80. She makes meal plans each week using recipes from Anna Jones, Ruby Tandoh and Ottolenghi and they shop in several different supermarkets to get the cheapest deals they can. This week she spent about double what she usually does as she shopped for Christmas presents, bought a highchair and winter clothes for the baby and the dog.
Industry: Academia… but I’m currently in the childrearing business Age: 28 Location: Newcastle Salary: A big fat zero! My partner is on £13,000 Paycheque amount per month: £0 for me, but my partner gets £1,100 pcm Number of housemates: No housemates per se, but I do live with one boyfriend, one baby and one dog
Monthly Expenses
Housing costs: £300 in rent to Mum Loan payments: £0. We don’t earn enough to pay back our student loans Utilities: £150 Transportation: Petrol £45. Bus about £20 for me, my partner maybe £40 Phone bill: £15 a month for me, £30 for my boyfriend Savings? I put £0 in at the moment, but I have a pot of about £10,000 from inheritance and pre-maternity freelance work that I am dipping into when I have to Other? Food £120, Dog food £60, Credit card bills £100 each, Charity £8 to Mind
Total: £988
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Day One
6.30am: Wake up early because I have a tiny baby and this is my life now. While my partner walks the dog I dress her up in three different outfits until I settle on one that is loosely based on Little Edie from Grey Gardens. This is entertainment, but not as I once knew it. Unlike tequila. however, this is completely free.
8am: We eat breakfast and Little Edie and I get a lift to playgroup at 9. Playgroup is in a huge room like a school gymnasium full of screaming toddlers and more brightly coloured whizzing plastic toys than you ever dreamed of. I have some nice chats with other mums about laundry, baby poo and how our skin no longer fits us. At the end, all the kids get given a snack of cheese crackers, raisins, grapes and marshmallows. Little Edie gingerly licks a grape. Not bad for 50p.
12pm: We eat lunch at home. Breast milk (for her), pitta, hummus and carrots. Little Edie can’t get enough of the hummus. I then sneak up to bed with L.E. for a nap. She takes pity on me; we sleep 'til four and you can’t spend money when you’re asleep.
4pm: Little Edie and I take the dog for a walk. In spite of my nap, I am convinced I am going to collapse from tiredness so we head to the Greggs near our house for a coffee. Greggs is closed so I end up with a cartoned latte from Tesco and a bag of chocolate buttons. Oh, and some hand sanitiser, because I picked up a dog poo on the way down. £3.29
7pm: Me and my boyfriend make spaghetti bolognese for dinner.
Total: £3.79
Day Two
8am: We are up and breakfasting again. Today, baby is dressed in a long-sleeved T-shirt and a pair of dusky blue dungarees which lend her the look of a Land Girl. I share my granola with her. She shares it with the dog.
9am: I am currently two dress sizes bigger than I have ever been before (thank you Land Girl), desperately skint and due to go on holiday to visit my BFF in the US next year, and as a result of these three things, I am selling a huge chunk of my fabulous wardrobe on eBay and Etsy. And boy are those bidders getting some bargains! I receive two payments – £5 for a pair of Acne jeans (don’t) and £10 for a limited edition adidas bomber jacket. Paypal and eBay take around 15% in fees, so I’m up £12.75.
10am: I mosey down to another playgroup. This one doesn’t give out grapes and so it’s free.
11.30am: After playgroup, I go and have a look in our local Barnardo’s. I pick up an Emile et Rose coat for the Land Girl for £3.29, on the premise that they cost £50 new and I can definitely eBay the life out of it once she grows out of it. I also pick up a beautiful wooden mid-century modern-style highchair for her. Though we already have a highchair, I justify this because when I go back to work, my mum is going to look after her, and so she can have our existing (boring plastic IKEA) highchair. It is £19.99 and the whole excursion goes on my credit card. £23.28
12.30pm: Land Girl and I eat pitta and hummus again for lunch.
2.30pm: One of my mum friends comes round for a dog walk. We while away two hours walking around the woods with our babies and dogs.
4.30pm: I remember I have a £30 ASOS voucher from last Christmas which expires in December. I spend it on an amazing jumper in the sale.
7pm: We add chilli and kidney beans to the bolognese and call it a chilli.
9pm: I breastfeed Land Girl to sleep and my partner goes out and grabs a bottle of wine. We watch Stranger Things and nearly crap ourselves 17 times. £6
Total: £29.28
Day Three
8am: Baby wakes up at 8 on the button and we dress her in this amazing little suit of matching leggings and cardi in pink candy stripe. You get bought the most AMAZING stuff for new babies and she's about to jump up a clothes size so I am cramming her chubby little arms and thighs into all my favourite 3-6 month outfits one last time before eBay comes calling. Today she looks like a roly-poly femme version of Dick Van Dyke in the dream scene in Mary Poppins. All she's missing is the boater.
11.30am: It’s Saturday and we hop in the car to Durham to see my mum perform with her choir at an event about food waste. Parking costs £1.80 but we are given some pumpkin stew for free so it all evens out. We then take the dog for a walk along the river. He bounds along the banks barking in a state of total hysteria. It is a few minutes before we realise he has never seen a rower before. People pay good money for laughs like that; alas, this one was free.
2pm: One of my oldest friends has cancer and has been told by her oncologist to try to build up her immunity. As any breastfeeding mother worth her salt knows, breast milk is full of immunoglobulins and antibodies and so she's asked me to throw some her way to help her as she goes through chemo. I would love to be able to give her something more but this is something I have in abundance that money can’t buy. I spend the afternoon plugged into a breast pump, thinking how lucky I am to be able to breastfeed my daughter; breast milk is like liquid gold, and all completely free.
7pm: Afternoon turns to evening, as is so often the case when you're lactating into a flask for your adult friends, and before long my mum has super kindly bought a takeaway for us and we are staying the night at hers. How good are mums?!
Total: £1.80
Day Four
8am: Had probably the most shocking night's sleep ever courtesy of my tiny tyrannical baby, who is now grinning at me angelically. She's wearing a blue-striped Baby-gro that makes her look like a 1920s gymnast. We need to walk the dog on our way back to Newcastle so we leave her in it and head to Finchale Priory. £3 for parking but access to the priory and surrounding woodland is free.
4pm: We tidy up and in a big pile of old papers, I find a birthday card from 2011 with £20 in it. Score! It’ll pay for the Christmas supplies I need to buy tomorrow. Tyrant Gymnast is faintly entertained by how happy I am about this discovery, side-eyeing me from her Jumperoo while the dog aggressively sniffs her breath.
Total: £3
Day Five
7.30am: Today, baby is wearing a pale pink velour tracksuit which is covered in cats and lends her the appearance of a Real Housewife of Beverley Hills meets crazy cat lady. I’m very into this look and wish it came in my size.
9am: Real Housewife has a massive exploding poo. I swerve the prohibitive cost of nappies, though, because we use reusable nappies. There are some start-up costs with them (I spent £100 on 12 with my last paycheque, and my mum bought us some too) but they are incredibly cheap in the long run, so for someone in my situation, they’re a godsend.
11am: My partner is working from home today and he gives me a lift to the Metrocentre to run some errands. For Christmas, we are making presents for our friends and families. One of the things about having very little money is that you have to be both creative and really well prepared for things like birthdays and Christmas. We normally put together a hamper each for our parents and siblings, and this year it's going to be a hands-on affair. A family friend had a glut of plums in early autumn so we washed out all of the jars lurking in the fridge – two-year-old caperberries anyone? – and made a huge vat of plum and cinnamon jam. We also picked several kilos of blackberries and stuck them in the freezer, and are planning on making blackberry jelly – but we used up all the jars in jam-making extravaganza number one! I shopped around online and found that Wilko do really cheap jam jars in packs of 12. I buy 24, as well as a few Kilner jars which we can preserve lemons in for the more adventurous cooks we know. The bill for these comes to £17.50 but that's not bad as it covers our two huge families – or the 29 people we are obliged to give gifts to anyway. (Yep. Twenty friggin nine. I counted.) I also buy a £2 scratchcard for my boyfriend because I a) love him and b) completely believe we could win £250,000 (we don’t). I use my 6-year-old birthday money. £19.50
11.30am: I go to TK Maxx and buy a card for a friend who is having a hard time, a hat for the baby and a coat for the dog. It is bitterly cold up north and he was our first baby, after all. I head home, having spent a further £15.49.
5pm: Pick up some discounted sausages in Tesco for the ultimate cold November night’s tea. £1.38
Total: £36.37
Day Six
7.30am: Today is cold and dismal and ought to be a pyjamas-on-the-sofa-reading-stories day. My daughter has been pooing green sludge though (who said motherhood wasn’t a glamorous gig) so I call the doctors and intrepidly brave the elements, wrapping her in her StarSnug, which makes her look like Maggie Simpson (a true baby fashion icon).
11am: After the doctors visit I sneak down to the charity shops again. On the sale rail I find a heavily beaded 1980s dress for £1 which I reckon I can get £40 for on Etsy. Am I a terrible person? Yeah, probably. £1
11.30am: The dog’s raw diet must consist of 80% meat, 10% bone and 10% offal. We’ve run out of offal so I go to the butchers and buy 176g of lamb's liver for 94p, which is an offally good deal if you ask me. £0.94
1pm: I eat vegetable soup and then take Maggie Simpson up for a nap. She sleeps for hours because she really is under the weather and I take the opportunity to get some shut-eye too, but not before reviewing an offer for a pair of Charlotte Olympias I have listed on eBay. Someone wants to give me £80 for them and while I want the money, the fees will mean I end up with £68 for a £400 pair of shoes. Zzzzzzzz.
6.30pm: Daddy’s back! For dinner he makes us lemony haddock, kale and adds flour to the leftover mash from yesterday evening to make potato cakes. Economical and delicious.
Total: £1.94
Day Seven
9am: Sick baby means a late awakening; she seems much better today though. I dress her in a rainbow-striped smock with matching leggings and she resembles my GCSE art teacher. I didn’t ever anticipate breastfeeding anyone who resembled my GCSE art teacher, but there’s a lot about life that I didn’t anticipate. We eat porridge for breakfast – I put mine in my mouth, and the Art Teacher puts hers mostly on the back of her head.
11am: It is time for Art Teacher’s swimming lesson. These have been paid for in a block of six on my partner’s payday – however, there’s an astonishingly high, non-refundable £1 charge for the locker. The cuts have been so severe in our borough that they’ve had to resort to daylight robbery at locker level. This is Tory Britain, lads. I pay up and go and get in the pool to sing "The Grand Old Duke Of York" and splash Art Teacher’s bum in the water. £1
1pm: I get a bus into town. My credit card is contactless (and therefore terribly dangerous) and Newcastle buses just installed an Oyster-like system, so I tap on for a return and it costs me £4.
2pm: When you have a baby, you are bought many things in duplicate and some that will never fit. You’re generally given the receipts for everything. So here’s what I do: I take them back to the shop, and shop for what I actually want. Today we’re in John Lewis and I have a £16 pair of bootees that will never fit the Art Teacher because she has enormous feet (for a 6-month-old). After about an hour of browsing, I swap them for an amazing pair of corduroy dungarees with little foxes on them that look so cute on her I might be sick. We also got bought two White Company dressing gowns for her, so I swap one for the next size up. It’s like shopping, but it’s free.
3pm: After my not-shopping, Art Teacher is thirsty and I take her to Newcastle’s worst-kept mummy secret – the feeding rooms in Fenwick. They are kitted out with lovely comfortable rocking chairs and you can breastfeed in there for free for as long as you like, which beats buying a coffee and being stared at by the other customers in Starbucks any day.
7pm: At home, we eat a stir fry and debate when is an acceptable time of year to eat your first mince pie. My boyfriend says December. I guess I’ll just have to eat all six of the ones I bought earlier then… £1.50
Total: £6.50
The Breakdown
Food/Drink: £3.78 Entertainment (predominantly dressing up my daughter in amusing clothes, and a bottle of wine): £6 Clothes/Beauty: £18.29 Travel: £4 Other: £60.61
Total: £92.68
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With just 4% of women under 35 in the UK leaving their pubic hair untended [at the time of writing], intimate hair removal is still an extremely lucrative industry. According to the 2016 Cosmo/ YouGov poll, 47% of this age group opt for a full Hollywood (all off). In terms of national identity, it's certainly a strong look.
Relationships with intimate waxers are unique. They've likely seen you in more detail and under brighter lights than anyone in your life. In Argentina, it's common to kiss and hug your bikini waxer before you go in, for her to hold your hand after a painful strip, use comforting words, and a little fan to cool the area.
As we're talking about body hair in all its glory on Refinery29 this week (#HotFuzz), we decided to book in for an intimate wax with our favourite professional. From how far the average bikini line goes, to the strange artistic requests she's received, we asked her everything we could think of about pubic hair and vagina discrepancy, while breathing through the pain.
How long have you been a beautician? Almost 10 years.
Do you like doing bikini waxes? Yes, it’s one of my specialty areas. I use a really good wax which is fairly painless, and people like that.
How many vaginas do you see a day? About 10 a day.
Are all vaginas different? Actually, they’re mostly the same. I’ve only seen a handful of very different-looking ones.
How large is the average pubic hair area? In my experience, most pubic areas stay within the knicker line, I would say that’s the ‘average’. Some women have hairs which go onto their thighs, but usually, it’s pretty hidden under the knickers.
How often should you really have waxes? I recommend my clients come back every four weeks. If you leave it longer than that, your hairs can get really long, so if that’s the case, I ask my clients to prepare for their wax by trimming before they come in.
What is the best way to trim hairs? Just pull the hair off your skin and cut off whatever goes over your fingers.
How many times do you have to have a wax before it stops hurting? Does that ever happen? After three sessions, you will feel the difference in your hair growth and your pain, but only if you do it every four weeks.
How bad is shaving and hair removal cream really? It’s bad in that it affects your waxing. If you shave or use hair removal cream, your regrowth is all over the place. So you basically don’t get the full benefits of waxing if you shave in between. And it’s not cheap to get a wax, so if you’re shaving in between, you aren’t getting your money’s worth.
In general, are you judging half as much as we think you are? I’m not a judgemental person. I’m a professional. I don’t talk about clients afterwards unless it is really an unusual case. Or if someone turns up and they haven’t prepared themselves, and it's quite smelly. That sort of thing doesn’t happen every week, it’s quite rare, so when it does I might moan about it with a colleague or close friend but it’s just the same as moaning about any difficult or unpleasant situation at work.
Any horror stories? I’ve had one or two clients who haven’t prepared themselves before they come. One or two clients have had poo stains on their bum. That actually pisses me off. I tend to not talk to those people much.
Do people come in with tampons in/ get waxed on their period? I personally don’t mind doing a bikini wax if someone has a tampon in. As long as they’re clean around it. They usually tell me that they have one in, and that’s courteous. But if it’s a new client and they haven’t told me and they just expect me to be ok with it, I find that quite discourteous. I don’t chat much to those clients.
How many people get their asshole waxed? The majority. The odd one might say, ‘Oh no, that doesn’t bother me’ but most people get it done.
How many people have Hollywoods/ Brazilians/ just the sides? Maybe 60% get Hollywoods, everything off, a lot of younger women prefer everything off. Older ladies, maybe 30+, like a bit of hair – most get a thin strip on their Brazilian. And then the odd younger girl asks for a triangle.
Do people ever ask you for shapes? Yes. One girl wanted me to do a Playboy bunny. I haven’t had training in that, I don’t know how! I declined.
How old was she? Mid-20s. A few clients tell me they want a certain shape because that’s what their boyfriend or husband likes. Things like, ‘My partner likes a thin, straight strip, so do that please’ or ‘My partner likes everything off’. Which makes me feel weird because I think women should wax for themselves, if it makes them feel good or clean or whatever, not for a guy. If you want to remove hair, do it for yourself.
What kinds of things do people tell you about while they’re getting waxed? All sorts of things. I have a relationship with all of my clients, so we talk about anything and everything. There are no limits. Which makes sense. It’s an intimate thing, it’s called ‘intimate waxing’ and if you’re comfortable enough to get your vagina out, you’re comfortable enough to talk about everything.
Do some people feel the pain more than others? It really just depends on people’s pain thresholds. Sometimes when you’re due on your period, or you’ve just come off, you can be more sensitive to pain. That’s normal. I have a few clients who scream. It’s torture for them. They hold onto my arm and push my arm while I’m trying to pull off the wax. Or they’ll grab onto the bed.
Do you think it’s more painful for women of colour? It can be if the hair is coarse, thick and curly. For example afro hair can hurt more, just because it’s stronger hair. But some people have fine hair and still find it very painful.
How to actually stop ingrown hairs? It really depends on the person’s aftercare. If you wax regularly, I’d always recommend doing an exfoliation once a week with an exfoliation scrub just using your hands, don’t use a glove, as it’s a sensitive area. And moisturise the area daily. If you cycle a lot, or you work out a lot, the friction can cause ingrowns, especially if your hairs are getting weaker and weaker from waxing, that can cause ingrown hairs too. And if you moisturise too much, or too little, or your moisturiser is too thick, all these things cause ingrowns. Most people though suffer from ingrown hairs, it’s normal.
What's the one thing you wish people would do before they come for a wax? I just wish everyone prepared. Going to the toilet before they come into the room, and cleaning themselves. I go over the area with a cleanser anyway, but I think it is the client’s responsibility. If you’re coming from work, or whatever, then just wiping yourself down makes a big difference for me.
What do you learn about women doing this job? You can’t be judgemental. I love meeting new people. I want my clients to be comfortable and that is my responsibility. I have to be professional, as well as outgoing. My job is to make people feel comfortable and give them a good experience, and of course, a thorough wax.
Growing up as a Greek Cypriot girl in a small Essex town, my schooldays were a blur of pretty girls with fair hair pointing out my sideburns, telling me I had a moustache or sniggering at the dark fuzz on my legs during PE lessons. It knocked my confidence big time, and what followed were years of obsessive shaving, plucking, waxing, threading and covering my face in more or less all social situations. I couldn't let it hold me back from scoring my dream career, though, and a few years later I landed my first magazine job. But while most young women treat themselves to a designer bag or a holiday with their first pay packet, mine went on laser hair removal at a top west London clinic.
Soon, I was going to be completely hair-free and all the bullying, shaving rashes and painful ingrown hairs would be a thing of the past. But the reality couldn't have been further from what I had imagined.
Laser sent my hair into overdrive
I started with the most obvious area first – my face, including my cheeks, upper lip, chin and neck – but four laser sessions into a course of eight, each costing a huge £125 a pop, I was having to shave almost twice daily to keep the hair under control.
Perplexed, upset and virtually broke, I brought this up with the manager of the clinic, who encouraged me to keep at it, and that I would soon notice a difference. But by session seven, I had to contend with a full-blown lady beard and shaving wasn't enough to keep my excess hair under control. After that, I was embarrassed to show my face, and rarely left the house. I'd spend at least an hour plucking my stubble and covering my constant five-o'clock shadow with multiple layers of thick concealer, full-coverage foundation and heavy powder.
But I just didn't understand.
As someone with light olive skin and jet black hair, I was the perfect candidate for laser hair removal. I followed the rules down to the letter, including attending every appointment consistently, avoiding sun exposure and shaving the area instead of plucking or waxing. By now, I was supposed to be smooth and hairless – so why were things worse?
The small print
If you read the small print on the back of the consent form, you'll notice that laser specialists do warn you, albeit covertly. Alongside client success stories and impressive 'before and after' pictures, they state that there is a tiny chance that the treatment can result in the complete opposite of what anyone getting laser hair removal actually wants: stimulated hair growth.
It's very uncommon, but it happens, and I turned out to be living proof.
So what's the cause?
Paradoxical hypertrichosis
“It has been reported that 85% of laser hair removal patients have had no regrowth in the months to follow,” says Dr. Anjali Mahto, a consultant dermatologist at Skin55. "However, there is a condition known as paradoxical hypertrichosis, which is a rare risk of laser hair removal, where the hair can grow back thicker after laser." It sounds like something out of a horror film, but the thing is, no one really understands exactly why this happens in laser patients, although there are a couple of big elements that could contribute.
The strength of the laser
“It’s extremely rare for an individual to find hair growth worse following laser hair removal,” says Dr. Mahto. “However, if this does occur, it has been hypothesised it could be due to a few factors, one being low-fluence (low energy) treatment.” Kevin Williams, laser expert and Lumenis ambassador who works with the Lumenis LightSheer System, believes the theory of photothermolysis can provide a further explanation. When hair is heated to 65 degrees, the hair follicle germ cells are destroyed, but anything below this could contribute to more growth.
“Often [during treatments] the hair follicle has only reached 45 degrees and therefore is at the temperature where hair is stimulated,” Kevin says. So why don't specialists stick to what they know will work? “The problem is rapid heating,” he adds. “While effective, it can be slightly uncomfortable” and often operators will end the treatment when it starts to get a little painful.
This makes sense to me and I think it's where things may have started to go wrong. More often than not, I couldn't feel the ping or even the zap of heat from the laser, which, according to specialists, could indicate that it was on a setting that was far too low for me. At the time, I thought it was because I had become accustomed to the twinge with every treatment. More importantly, I put my trust in the prestigious clinic and the specialists wholeheartedly.
Also, rather frustratingly, a different laser specialist saw to me each time, so they weren't fully aware of how my hair had been performing. Each new specialist also failed to assess my skin type before treatment, which is detrimental to understanding the setting I needed for the best results. This is why it pays to book in with the same specialist for every session.
Is it something to do with hormones?
Two years after my laser treatment, I was diagnosed with the hormonal condition polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Alongside weight gain, acne, irregular periods and shedding of scalp hair, one of the main features of the condition, which affects 1 in 5 women in the UK and can go undiagnosed for years, is excess facial and body hair, thanks to a surplus of male hormones.
According to Dr. Mahto, genetic or hormonal underlying factors like this may also have played a part. "It is not necessarily the laser hair removal which worsens the hair growth, but the underlying hormonal imbalance," she explains. "Having high levels of androgen (male hormones) in your body causes physical signs such as excess facial and body hair. The hair grown is often thicker and darker and harder to remove."
But there are ways to manage it.
How I got rid of my excess facial hair
The thought of having to keep my head down on the Tube, cancel plans and spend hours plucking my face was too much to bear. So I went on a mission to try all manner of different hair removal treatments in a bid to find one that worked.
IPL
I was wary of letting another laser loose on my face when a friend with PCOS suggested IPL (Intense Pulsed Light) after amazing results. It feels similar to laser, but instead of harnessing a very targeted wavelength, it works on a much broader spectrum and enlists a shot of light to damage the hair.
I booked into the Tessa Stevens Health and Beauty Clinic in north London, where the machine of choice is the Ellipse, arguably the leader when it comes to IPL. But I'll be honest – it wasn't plain sailing.
After my very first monthly session, my stubbly hairs looked and felt thicker, darker and more obvious, but it was because they were shedding from the root. I was advised to exfoliate the area gently and encouraged to shave – never pluck or wax as this disrupts the growth stage. Three sessions in, the jet black stubble was gone and I felt liberated. That said, it's important to bear in mind that with IPL, hair is never permanently removed, just reduced. I still have downy hairs but they're so much lighter, finer and easier to manage – nothing like the wiry stubble I had to contend with before. Often, top-up treatments are required throughout the year to maintain the result.
Spironolactone, the secret pill
Thanks to Dr. Mahto, I was introduced to spironolactone during a hormonal acne breakout. Some refer to it as a 'secret' or 'off-the-label' pill as it is usually used to treat high blood pressure, but it has anti-androgen effects, which means it blocks the male hormone testosterone, usually responsible for an overflow of sebum, spots and excess hair. This makes it really beneficial for PCOS sufferers.
Not only did it stop my skin from looking like a spotty oil slick but I noticed that it pretty much stopped my facial hair in its tracks. Since taking it, I haven't had to shave, pluck or book in for an IPL top-up. "It can potentially improve both scalp hair growth and hirsutism (excess hair)," says Dr. Mahto. She adds: “In this context, however, it should only be prescribed by a consultant dermatologist with experience in its use as it is an unlicensed treatment.”
But back to the laser.
Treatments won't have the same effects on everyone, although here's what to do if you're worried about your hair growing back worse.
Do your research
“Not all lasers are the same,” says Dr. Mahto, “and the right laser or light device should be chosen based on skin type.” Options include IPL, Alexandrite and the Nd:YAG laser, which is a much better option for those with darker skin tones, but a consultation with a specialist should help you decide.
Start small
“Starting out on small areas is a good way to begin all-over hair removal,” explains Louisa Houlden, skin expert at Skin Matters Clinic. “When clients see results from a small area, they gain confidence and move on to bigger areas. We'd always recommend a patch test beforehand, but I'm confident with the Ellipse machine and what it can offer.” And she's right. After seeing the amazing results that IPL had on my face, I'm now moving on to my legs.
Monitor any underlying hormonal conditions
I didn't know I had PCOS until a few years after my laser treatments.
After a year of missed periods, I visited my GP who referred me for an ultrasound scan. Knowing what I was up against made dealing with the hair a little easier and I was advised that 8-12 sessions of IPL would be most effective. "If a client is suffering from hormonal issues that are linked to hair growth, they can still be treated effectively," says Hershey Punzalan, assistant trainer at Ministry of Waxing, which has recently introduced the Nd:YAG, a laser trained to work better on darker skin types. "Laser really helps those with excessive hair growth to manage it better," she continues. "However, they may find that they will need to have maintenance sessions more often than those who do not have hormonal issues."
Follow the rules
According to specialists, having laser hair removal following sun exposure could risk damage to the skin (eg. hyperpigmentation), so always be honest and open about things like holiday plans or tanning. The same goes for disclosing any medication you are taking. "We aim for all our laser clients to receive a successful hair reduction," says Hershey. "In order for us to do this, we need to be aware if they are taking any medication or are undergoing any treatments that may hinder us from delivering results. Failing to do so could have a reverse effect treating an area which shouldn't be treated."
It's also important to be consistent. “A course of treatments is usually required at 4-8 weekly intervals to follow the hair growth cycle,” says Dr. Mahto. “If you miss a treatment, it may lead to slight hair regrowth as the treatment has to be consistent. Always speak to a professional who will advise of a proper treatment plan to achieve optimal results.”
Speak up if you're unhappy
My hair growth was so bad that it actually made me break down in tears in front of the manager. I mentioned I wasn't happy that different specialists saw to me each time and that it was unfair for them not to take some responsibility. I managed to get a 100% refund but I know that some people aren't as lucky. Ask questions if there is something you don't understand, and if something doesn't feel right, voice it.
A recent survey found that 48% of consumers' biggest winter beauty concern is dry, chapped lips. Caused by exposure to sun, wind or cold air, where the excessive moisture loss leads to uncomfortably tight skin that often splits, they're not only uncomfortable but also wreak havoc on the perfectly applied lipstick you'll be wearing this party season.
For those days when lip balm just isn't enough, we've compiled the ultimate list of targeted treatments – everything from masks to oils and sugar scrubs. Keep your purses, pockets and nightstands stocked with the best remedies for one of winter's biggest skincare issues.
Click on to see our favourite lip care products to see you through the season.
This plant-based product by oil experts, Clarins, is as luxurious as it is effective. Ultra-rich ingredients include hazelnut, mirabelle and organic jojoba oils, providing your lips with much-needed nourishment in a non-sticky formula. And in this particular shade, it contains lavish flecks of gold. Marie McKeever, head of training for Clarins UK, explains the benefits of an oil: "The 100% natural, pure plant oils are rich in active ingredients which rebalance the skin and deliver maximum comfort." We love wearing this over matte lipsticks for a glossy finish.
Clarins Instant Light Lip Comfort Oil in Honey Glam, £19, available at John Lewis
Sheet masks aren't going anywhere, and with targeted treatments like this Starskin Lip Mask, there's one for every skin concern. Formulated with naturally fermented coconut juice, pop one of these on for 15 minutes before applying your favourite lippy.
Starskin Dreamkiss Plumping and Hydrating Bio-Cellulose Lip Mask, £8.50, available at Feel Unique
Encased in the chicest of packaging lies this hydrating, paraben-free balm, infused with nourishing Brazilian Nut Oil and soothing Chamomile.
The brown sugar crystals in this lip polish gently exfoliate the skin while the natural humectants prevent moisture loss. Results are instantly noticeable – use before applying lipstick.
Fresh Sugar Lip Polish, £19.50, available at Fresh
This innovative product is our favourite from Tom Ford's Soleil Winter 2017 Collection. The oil-based rollerball creates a glossy shine with a hint of colour. Infused with jojoba and coconut oil, this is going straight to the top of our Christmas list.
Tom Ford Lip Slick in Hibiscus Kiss, £40, available at John Lewis
The active ingredient in this non-gloopy formula – hydrogenated polyisobutene fatty acids – is exactly what your lips need. The fatty acids restore the lips' moisture barrier, meaning you can wear it under lipstick without the colour smudging or fading.
Malin + Goetz Mojito Lip Balm, £10, available at Space NK
This antioxidant-rich, natural salve softens skin and protects against moisture loss.
Jurlique Rose Love Balm, £10, available at Jurlique
The star ingredient of this balm, fermented pawpaw, is a fruit extract from the carica papaya plant, which boasts natural healing qualities. Nourishment comes in the form of olive fruit oil, and the aloe barbadensis leaf juice soothes irritated skin.
Dr. PAWPAW Original Balm, £6.95, available at Look Fantastic
Clinique's Repairwear Intensive Lip Treatment diminishes the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles on and around the lips. Its gel-based formula promotes the skin's natural collagen production, while antioxidants shield skin from environmental aggressors and replenish the moisture barrier, giving you smooth, soft and hydrated lips.
Clinique Repairwear Intensive Lip Treatment, £24.50, available at Look Fantastic
The combination of shea butter and coconut oil in this targeted treatment provides deep hydration with 100% natural ingredients. Pop one on before bed and let it work its magic.
This restorative concentrate counteracts the signs of premature ageing caused by environmental damage, and the combination of humectants and emollients will leave your lips replenished and rejuvenated.
SkinCeuticals Antioxidant Lip Repair, £36.75, available at SkinCeuticals
This multipurpose formula can be used to treat chapped lips, dry or cracked skin and minor injuries on the body. Enriched with soothing panthenol 5% and bacterial agents, it alleviates uncomfortable skin tightness.
La Roche-Posay Cicaplast Baume B5 Lips, £6, available at Feel Unique
This luxurious lip conditioner defends the skin from damaging environmental effects using vitamin E. Honey, a natural emollient, brings a hint of flavour.
Jo Malone Vitamin E Lip Conditioner, £23, available at Jo Malone
Enriched with vitamins C and E and shea butter, this soothing moisture treatment can be worn underneath lipstick or on its own for a glossy, non-sticky finish.
Estée Lauder Lip Conditioner SPF 15, £17.50, available at Feel Unique
Dry skin experts, Eucerin, created this lip balm as an antidote to severely dry and cracked lips. The soothing liquorice extract reduces redness caused by dehydration. We recommend keeping this on your desk to apply throughout the day.
Eucerin Dry Skin Intensive Lip Balm, £6, available at Boots
For something a little more high-tech, Perk offer a lip treatment designed to hydrate and exfoliate. Think of a mini facial for your pout, there's even a lip serum to take home with you, infused with peppermint oil and peony extract for smoother, plumper skin.
Perk Lip Treatment, £35, bookings available from Perk
Argan oil reduces the appearance of skin flaking and this Body Shop balm does just that while nourishing and softening the skin, leaving a natural-looking sheen.
The Body Shop Wild Argan Solid Oil Lips, £4.50, available at The Body Shop
This lip tint produces a bespoke colour as it interacts with your lip tone. Enriched with apricot, macadamia seed, coriander fruit, jojoba seed and passion flower oils, it's a salubrious skin softener that provides a universally flattering glow.
YSL Beauté Volupté Tint-in-Oil, £28, available at Feel Unique
Packed with rich cocoa and shea butters, this lip balm leaves your lips hydrated with a subtle flavour of peppermint. It's also paraben and petrolatum-free.
EOS Limited Edition Visibly Soft Peppermint Cream, £6.50, available at Boots
This 100% organic, plant-based lip balm is an infusion of three simple ingredients: virgin coconut oil, apricot oil and beeswax. It's a fuss-free, nourishing and travel-friendly product.
By Sarah Organic Lip Balm, £12, available at By Sarah
If you're on any social media, chances are you've seen people posting about slavery in Libya over the last few days. Everyone – from musicians like Cardi B to politicians and likely some of the "friends" you haven't seen for a decade – has been posting about the story. So what's happening exactly, and is there anything we, as individuals, can do?
The source of the outrage is an exclusive investigation and video posted by CNN last week, lifting the lid on Libya's modern-day slave trade. While the situation wasn't completely unheard of, it had been largely ignored. The stellar piece of investigative journalism, particularly the distressing footage of 10 men being sold at auction outside Tripoli, has been picked up by media organisations worldwide and is finally getting the attention it deserves.
Libya is the main hub for refugees and migrants leaving African countries (like Nigeria, Eritrea, Guinea, Ivory Coast, Gambia, Senegal, Sudan and Somalia), and hoping to make their way to southern Europe, as Al Jazeera explains. This, combined with the fact that the fall of Muammar Gaddafi left a power vacuum in the heart of government, explains why human trafficking and people smuggling have boomed in the country.
Much like the outrage sparked by the case of sex trafficking victim Cyntoia Brown, who recently gained the support of some of the world's biggest celebrities, the story is spreading like wildfire on social media. Cardi B called out the United Nations in a live Instagram video for not "making it their problem or priority to help what's going on in Libya" and accusing the organisation of wanting to use Libya for its resources.
A plethora of British public figures, MPs and musicians have expressed their support for the refugees and migrants embroiled in the trade, tweeting and Instagramming details of a protest in London planned for Saturday 9th December and a petition on the UK government's website urging it to put more pressure on Libya.
I am horrified by images and reports of migrants being sold as slaves in Libya. Gross abuse of human rights that the world must face up to. 40m people are in slavery worldwide according to @Anti_Slaveryhttps://t.co/V2hwdJKo0n
Obviously signing an online petition is never a guarantee of change and is rarely enough on its own, but if you're as outraged as everyone else seems to be, you can start by joining the 60,000 people who have already added their names. Amnesty International also has a petition urging EU leaders to stop forcing vulnerable refugees into Libya.
Protests have also sprung up around the world, also with the aim of urging national governments and international bodies to take action. There is one happening in London on Saturday 9th December organised by African Lives Matter, an organisation that was reportedly founded to raise the profile of issues affecting Africa.
Today, Starbucks customers might notice something different about their coffee cups. For a limited time, the coffee company is switching from serving beverages in the most recent holiday design. Instead, each drink will come in a red cup, whose purpose is to help us share holiday cheer with those we most appreciate.
The new holiday cup features the company's signature holiday red. In the centre, where the Starbucks siren is usually situated, there's a plain white heart. The new cup also features a line drawing of two hands framing the heart. According to Starbucks, the heart is meant to be seen as a blank canvas, which should encourage customers to take a second and recognise those who "fill their heart and embody goodness this holiday season." To do that, the company suggests writing that loving person's name inside the heart. When the heart is filled in, customers can give the share photos of their cups on social media and include the hashtag #GiveGood.
Photo: Courtesy of Starbucks.Photo: Courtesy of Starbucks
Starbucks is celebrating the work of 210 local charities, all nominated by customers and partners (employees), around the country as part of its Cheer for Good initiative. This Christmas, £150,000 will be granted to these local causes that sit at the heart of the communities that Starbucks serves, with Cheer for Good inviting supporters to ‘cheer’ on social media for top grants of £2,000.
Commenting on the launch Simon Redfern, vice president communications at Starbucks Europe, Middle East and Africa, said: “This Christmas we want to help raise the profile of some of the UK’s small charities who do vital work in their local neighbourhoods. The charities taking part in Cheer for Good this Christmas are close to our hearts and the whole company is about to get its cheer on and raise some serious noise for these great causes.”
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Last night at London's Victoria & Albert Museum, designer Stella McCartney and Dame Ellen MacArthur co-hosted the launch of a sustainability report that sets out a new vision for the fashion industry. The Ellen MacArthur Foundation's Circular Fibres Initiative Report, A New Textiles Economy: Redesigning Fashion's Future, laid bare damning findings that will hopefully shock the industry into change.
While the equivalent of a rubbish truck's worth of textiles is wasted every second, less than 1% of clothing is recycled into new pieces. If this continues, the fashion industry will consume one quarter of the world's annual carbon budget by 2050.
Alongside being wasteful, we're already aware of the pollution caused by the clothes we wear. Thought plastic waste was bad? Every year, during washing, garments release half a million tonnes of microfibres into the ocean – the equivalent of more than 50 billion plastic bottles. These microfibres are near-impossible to clean up, and can enter food chains as well as harm our marine life.
While these facts are frightening, and may seem overwhelming, the report offers a positive and progressive alternative future. Industry giants H&M and Nike are among 40 brands and organisations that support and endorse the report, and the authors are calling for an industry-wide collaborative effort to put the sustainable plan into action.
“Today’s textile industry is built on an outdated linear, take-make-dispose model and is hugely wasteful and polluting," MacArthur stated. "[This report] presents an ambitious vision of a new system, based on circular economy principles, that offers benefits to the economy, society, and the environment."
The first step in radically changing the way we source, make, buy and retain clothes is to phase out the substances that damage our health and planet, removing all plastic microfibres. Next, a transformation in the disposability of the clothes we wear: we must design them to last longer, and buy with longevity in mind. The third step must address the way we recycle old garments, from considering the fabric's durability to increasing the appeal of renewed pieces. Finally, we should cut down on waste wherever possible, by reusing fabric offcuts and reducing production methods that use colossal amounts of water.
“What really excites me about [the report] is that it provides solutions to an industry that is incredibly wasteful and harmful to the environment," Stella McCartney says. "The report presents a roadmap for us to create better businesses and a better environment. It opens up the conversation that will allow us to find a way to work together to better our industry, for the future of fashion and for the future of the planet.”
With some huge names backing the report, we're hoping that the findings and proposals for a healthier, greener, more responsible industry are a challenge the rest of fashion's big hitters will take on.
